Concept: Immemorial Pearls & Lacy Thongs.

AdeOla Crystiana Fadumiye
4 min readSep 2, 2017

I wrote this, I believe, more than 10 years ago.
A few years after I wrote it, I stopped bothering myself and starting BE-ing!

Alas, she needs no introduction, because she is nameless. She is the lady in the street, and the freak in the bed! She is my dilemma! She is your dilemma! She is our dilemma

Ludacris in Usher’s “Yeah” eloquently rapped and branded us all into a concept that is designed to plague us, however, it is not a new concept! I hear many men declare HER as what they want , and I hear many women proclaim HER as who they are or want to be. But, who is “the lady in the street and the freak in the bed?”

Is she the post-modern woman? The Super-Woman?

Is she the one we label sophisticated, erotic, cultured, risqué, intellect, steamy, genuine, sensual, gentle, dirty, bona fide and sexy? Maybe she is obligated to be cautious in her deliberations, yet defined in her outlooks. Maybe, she is expected to be unbiased while wrapped in 700-counts Egyptian cotton, but coroneted with brittle, unsentimental yet sensitive virtues on a first date.

Is the Super-Woman of firm proclamations and restraint? Or she is the definition of “the mystery of a woman”…Lady-like, but a tigress! Or is she different things at different stages in her life? A teenager, a college student, a woman in her twenties, a wife, a married woman in her thirties, a mother…the list is endless. However, do you perceive the trend in that list? She is married before her twenties are over; regardless if it is to the wrong man (That is another NOTEworthy topic for another day).

Is she the home-maker, the diaper-changer, the cook, the wash-woman, the breastfeeder, the blackberry-wielding CEO, the sex queen that lifts her man to 9th heaven, the community organizer, the vixen, the bible study leader…is she all of that and more AND does she have it all?

Does she cater to her man after a long day? Does she roll over when he taps her on the shoulder? Even after a long day at work, and a longer day tending to the demands of the home!

Is she a lie that men want to create or a façade that feminists want to believe in? Is she what society defined her to be or is she what she defines herself to be?

We have tossed the womanly and feminine identity into a warped version of itself. The vision of what it means to be a real woman confuses me, because it seems just as limiting and overwhelming as the version women were trying to break free from the suppressed version. OKAY! Maybe this new version is better than the property-woman of past years.

In addition, we are to be just like the Proverbs 31 woman, and to be sincere, sometimes, I want to find her and wring her neck. I want to find her and tell her that her perfection is sickening. However, I realize that she is also nameless, because she is an epitome and a standard. I am not like her today, but I could be someday, I could give her a name or chose not to.

I have since realized that there are many ways to be feminine. So, I do not insist that you take off your pearls, put on some thongs and dance on tables. I also do not insist that you take off your thongs, put on some pearls and serve some muffins. Alas! I do not insist that you put on both your immemorial pearls and lacy thongs.

I only insist that when you discover your power and when you speak out against sexism, racism, ageism…, I ask that you refuse to turn that power around and act the same suppressing way towards the men in your life and the women in your life who are still defining who they are. I ask that you do not suppress, disrespect or label. I ask that you start BE-ing, but in that BE-ing…, you might have to fight!

I only insist that you do take a stance towards your womanhood. In the end, whether you choose to be a lady, or a freak or you subscribe to being both.., you define yourself and your dreams. When we define our femininity, I ask that the goal should not be to construct a new, equally restrictive counter definition of proper womanhood.

Why? Because the post-modern woman was defined, and she in her joy over her freedom from suppression and in her sexually liberated will of equality is still found humming “I love Big Poppa”

So I am soft, sensual, girly, courageous, smart, intellectual, a wonderful cook, a thinker, a beauty, have my dumb moments, erotic, hyper, ambitious, can shoot a gun, love dresses, career-oriented, vivacious, saving up for a motorcycle, boy-crazy, sexy, loves pink and black, wants my man to be king in our house, voices my opinion, chaste, enthusiastic, would go sky-diving any-day, opinionated, can make a man shiver, scared of cockroaches, a housewife, a vixen, strong, a homemaker…

Geez, maybe I am a Super-Woman; maybe I am it all, a lady in the street and a freak in the bed. I am confused!

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AdeOla Crystiana Fadumiye

Writer + Editor. Musings on Faith, Feminism & Entrepreneurship | My life’s broken pieces sprinkled w/ silver lining perspectives @