[RECAP] 12 Lessons on Love and Relationships

AdeOla Crystiana Fadumiye
3 min readMar 15, 2018

Openings give us a chance to peek in and see just a little.

At the last Behold.Her Portrait event titled “I Don’t Deserve my own Love Story,” openings happened. I led the conversation on LOVE and WORTHINESS, and I was blown away by the diversity in the room, and then by the similarities that openings reveal.

When we let our hearts speak, openings happen. I assure you that if you lean out just a little, you will notice that someone in your life or around you is peeking into your opening and wondering if he or she is welcomed, if they belong, and if they can safely bring their full self to the table.

I came to the conversation as a single woman, and my intention was to lead from my experience. The event was also right after Valentines Day, and given the topic, in my mind, I was expecting only my “people” in the room. However, a third of the room was married, another third was in a relationship or situation-ship, and the last third was single or divorced. I was also in awe of the judgment-free room, and that is the magic of a Behold.Her event. We laughed, cried, teased each other, bantered, and opened up.

I learned a lot, and here are 12 of the many things I took away from the night.

  • Love requires commitment and work whether you are single, dating, in a relationship or married.
  • We all desire love. We desire to be seen, protected, and safe. We don’t want to be controlled, manipulated or overwhelmed by another human being, especially one we love and who professes to love us. We want to be ourselves rather than collapsing into ourselves. We all desire love.
  • Work on yourself in all of your relationships, romantic or otherwise. Learn yourself and if you are married or in a relationship, learn your partner.
  • Use your voice! Dear woman, for many of us, no one is holding a gun to our heads. Let’s make decisions that teach others how to treat us by speaking our no’s and yeses.
  • Everyone is fighting a battle, and these battles may not even be in our relationships, but the battles will slip in.
  • Always ask yourself, “what do I want?”
  • Always ask yourself, “What does the person I’m partnered with want.”
  • Show grace, because we are all walking towards the best versions of ourselves
  • But set your boundaries
  • Betrayal cuts deep
  • Love is vulnerable and transparent whether it is with our finances, dreams, health issues and personal battles. You can’t truly do love if you are hiding.
  • Don’t be caught up with how it has been done. In your relationship, what works for both of you?

There you have it! I’m placing these lessons in my forefront in this Beautiful Year of Bae! LOL

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AdeOla Crystiana Fadumiye

Writer + Editor. Musings on Faith, Feminism & Entrepreneurship | My life’s broken pieces sprinkled w/ silver lining perspectives @ http://www.adeolafadumiye.com