He looked good on paper!
Doctor. Nigerian. Christian. Cute. Tall. Yoruba.
No weird energy!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Literally perfect to share with my besties and siblings. He was also ‘meet the parents worthy’ and he could very well be my last bus stop.
Our first date was great…ice cream at the waterfront.
So I let myself dream a little. I was ready to go from single to girlfriend in a matter of weeks which is totally unlike me.
But one day, I gushed about this fine specimen of a man to God. My prayer was a mix of “he is amazing” to “what do you think?” The only whisper I heard back was, “Get to know him!” It was clear as day.
I was a little irritated because I was ready to run this down the aisle. But I slowed my roller coaster heart down!
And in a matter of days, exactly two weeks after we met…the characters began to take shape and for the next 3–4 months of “getting to know him”…the traits jumped out.
- He was a gaslighter. He canceled every date we set that was not at his house, in his car, or at the waterfront and TRIED to make me feel like I was doing too much for pointing his BS out.
- He was possessive and jealous! He questioned every meeting or plan I had with the intention of uncovering if I was hanging out with a girl or boy. He confirmed it when I confronted him about it.
- He was emotionally unstable and lashing out a couple of times was the last straw.
I cut him off!
After I cut him off, I took it up with God and he simply said,⠀⠀⠀
“You have the free will and insight to make great decisions about who you want and what you want. It does not always have to be my call. Sometimes, it is, but I could have said “run” however I wanted you to see that he is not your cup of tea and I don’t have to tell you yes or no for you to make a decision about what you need to do.” Selah.
After sitting with that experience, I realized I listened to the voices that said I have a low tolerance for bullshit (and every one comes with bullshit) so I was trying to turn over a new leaf, but he was the wrong tree.
Originally published at https://www.adeolafadumiye.com on September 22, 2020.