What’s in your “Romance” Toolkit?

AdeOla Crystiana Fadumiye
3 min readSep 29, 2020

This theme for this month humbled me and I am still sitting with my discovery.

I reached out to seven (7) women about sharing a romance tool and the running theme was:

I have nothing to add to the conversation on romance…there is not much going on in our household in that area. It doesn’t feel like romance around here, and it comes and goes. Its not particularly a term I can say I immediately identify with.

The responses scared me and left a sinking feeling within me…one I haven’t made a judgement call about yet.

Two/three words sums it all up for me. They are WORK and REALITY CHECK!

So for this month’s theme, Romance, a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love, we got one amazing share and I plan to adopt this tool in my own relationship when it gets here lol!

Vanetta Morrison — Writer | Counsellor | Coach | Emotional Wealth Strategist , The Blueprint Way

Tool: Strategic Spontaneity

I’m a planner by nature, so whenever I hear the word ‘spontaneous’ you might as well have said ‘chaos’ to me lol. Add to that the fact that one of my top love languages is ‘quality time’ and suddenly, spontaneous doesn’t just mean ‘chaos’, it also means ‘unintentional’.

What does that have to do with romance you ask?

Well, romance is all about intrigue and mystery and spontaneity, but most of my private and professional life has been about structure, and strategy and process.

I’ve found both giving and receiving romance hard, until I developed what I like to call ‘strategic spontaneity’ — the ability to be spontaneous in what I do, but not when I do it. So, as many other couples, bae and I have a date night schedule, so we can both be intentional in protecting that time in the busyness of our lives.

However, because we have protected that time, we can be completely spontaneous in what we do then and still manage to surprise each other. That way, neither of us has to be anxious about what we might have missed in our work…

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AdeOla Crystiana Fadumiye

Writer + Editor. Musings on Faith, Feminism & Entrepreneurship | My life’s broken pieces sprinkled w/ silver lining perspectives @ http://www.adeolafadumiye.com